Devourment-Unleash the carnivore

Devourment is back, this album has t be one of the most anticipated ones in brutal death metal 2009. We got a preview a couple of months ago and let me tell you, it’s like fucking a tight cunt till it bleeds (totally awesome and makes my dick feel good). This is a brutal death massacre with a huge production, every aspect of Devourments gurgling grisly music is allowed to make its impression, this is beautifully mixed to let all that raw anal impalement of musicianship come to the fore and rip your neck with it. This is a pure fucking hard-on for the duration of the record. So let’s break it down and look at the album itself. The songs are as usual made up of some low frequency guttural vocals that sound expertly executed and with some variations in the vox patterns aswell, not just simple monotone gargling of menstrual effluence. The riffs are big and could easily fit in any sludge bands repertoire. The drumming is insane at times, this just isn’t for the weak, this is empowering nun-slaughtering, skin-peeling brutal music, it’s the kind of music anyone with any taste will get off to.

I will put this on tonight get myself a blowjob at 100 decibel.

Incinerated clitoral region-paranormal impulse to kill

After an almost two minutes long intro we are greeted with the shittiest kind of homegrown trashbag-wankery, low quality retarded guitars that sound like they’re being played underwater and a singer who thinks he’s in Mayhem or perhaps Gorgoroth. Let me tell you, whispered growls sound like FUCKING SHIT YOU MORONS!

Necrotic disgorgement-Suffocated in shrinkwrap

I have to say that this fills my ears as nicely as my cock fills my girlfriends tight cunt. High velocity blasts and low frequency gurgles from the pits of the mass-graves in Treblinka. Some awesome riffs and solos accompany this release on its way to a great fucking review, not much to complain about really, it’s just a solid record with some really good axe wankery and oral action.

Pigtails-Demo 4

Low frequency goreporngrind with what has to be one of the most irritating drum machines out on the market. Nothing new here anyways, some songs about fucking like normal people do, you know where the girl has atleast three holes waiting for some deep penetration. Where the female/females are nothing more than meatholes meant for male sexual pleasure. You know, the good life, the way the world really is, the way retarded feminists don’t want it to be. Genitals are for fucking and that’s what we do with them. Fuck this demo is actually pretty groovy and the quality of the production is top- standard for this genre I think.
Lets molest eachother a bit more though, let us gape female ass and listen to some porn-inspired brutality.

Rectal smegma-Keep on smiling

This is fast brutal shiteater music, this is the soundtrack to Saló, this is the soundtrack to all German porn-stars thoughts. This is some sick shit really but it misses some points due to the vox not being varied enough in my head (enough with the OOOOAOOAOOAOOAOAOAOA). Some great riffs and weird samples of indigenous music with what sounds like a kids-flute (no, not that British abducted kids asshole) and some really drunken singing. So put two girls one cup on the TV and put this on as a soundtrack to that. Shit-eating is an art-form in itself.

Tzun Tzu-Kunoichi

This traditional Japanese folk inspired death-metal album (ep) is one weird thing really. I don’t get to hear much of these sorts of bands but this is so awesome. It’s got the fingertip sensitivity of Japanese culture combined with modern brutal death-metal in the same vein as some of the American bands. Some fucking awesome riffs complete this transition between old and new, this is what the anthropological society would call globalization, I would say this is some really good globalization. This is the Japanese version of bands such as Arhont, Nile and all those Scandinavian black-folk-metal bands. I highly recommend this to those of you out there with a taste for ethnic sounding good bands with some feeling. This is some really great shit, so go out there and get it.

Interview with Martin Eklöv from Splattered Mermaids (originally done for www.decayed-metal.com)

this interview was done last year and is translated from Swedish to English for your pleasure (or suffering). i hope you`ll enjoy it.


i had a little chat with Martin Eklöv in Splattered Mermaids about the future, the past and such trivial things

Q: Your debut album was reviewed by us not long ago and got a good grade, looking around people seem to share our thoughts, does it feel good to have released a welcome record?

A: Yes we are very surprised and happy for the reception we got after the release. Having been local favourites for many younger deathheads, we now see people of all ages taking interest in us. In the Czech Republic, wich we visit every year, theres a horde of grind-people who love our shows and our music. It feels so fucking great to hear that since we look up to them equally as much. Fuck it the guy who fixed one of our gigs at Metal Open Air in Olomouc printed a poster the size of a barn wall where the Splattered logo covered a fourth of it, hes a huge fan and it felt awesome.

Q: What does the future hold?

A: The future is that after coming home from two weeks of beerdrinking and headbanging we look forward to more livegigs. We just did one on Extreme Feast , and on the 19th of july there will be some serious destruction with The Berzerker and the Trelleborgband Purified Hatred in Trelleborg. We want to play so fucking much right now since the motivation is on top as is the development, both as a band and as individuals

Q: What is the weirdest memory (if any) from the recording of Stench of flesh?

A: Weird memory? Haha, had you been in the studio you wouldnt have been able to separate the weird things from the outright stupid. Splattered mermaids is a very sick bunch where the humor stays far below the radar of what should be called humour. Micke who recorded the songs with us had to go home and shower everyday since he felt dirty. But the weirdest thing according to me was how Martin (drums) could create everything i had thought of, every fill and break that i had a vision of, well he made those without me ever telling him my opinion, weird? Who knows..

Q: What do you guys do when not playing music?

A: Johan (guitar) studies at Musikhögskolan(Musical university) and Johan (vox) works in a restaurant. Martin (drums) works at fucking IKEA and i at MYRORNA as a muscleman wannabe. When we arent doing this i guess theres alot of masturbation going on, well for everyone but Martin whos got a girlfriend.

Whats it like backstage at a Splattered mermaids gig?

A: Backstage its very calm and relaxing, some bad “yo momma” jokes but otherwise resting and beerdrinking. We are very social dudes and dont hesitate to sit down next to some drunk and talk about shit for a couple of hours. That sort of activity works better abroad than in Sweden though, here you get categorised as some kind of local retard if youre talking to someone just to be social. But....

Q: Lamb of gods video for the song Redneck shows the band arriving at and subsequently playing a little girls birthday, would you do such a thing?

A: Hell yeah, we got offered to play a girls birthdayparty a while ago. Hmm i wonder whatever happened to that gig....On the other hand we have our younger fans whod really like for us to play everywhere on different arrangements, great shit.

Q: Any last honourable words?

A: The last “honourable words” that would represent Splattered Mermaids would be: “Drop your pants and I`ll make u Swedish”..